The Rituals That Give Life Meaning

A few months ago, I had to give up caffeine temporarily, so I weaned myself off my morning cup (let’s be honest, cups) of tea.

All of a sudden, my morning was missing something. And it wasn’t caffeine. It was missing the ritual. The boiling of the water, the unwrapping of the tea bag, the steeping of the tea, the adding of the perfect amount of soy milk, and then, the ultimate reward, the sipping of the perfect cup of tea.

I didn’t realize until it was gone that my tea ritual — which I’ve done first thing in the morning for as long as I can remember — was the way I welcomed the new day. The house is quiet, and I’m alone in my thoughts, so I can focus on the simple act of making, and then drinking, tea.

Once I realized what I was missing, I had a simple solution: decaf tea. So now, this surprisingly meaningful ritual is back in my life.

Rituals are more than habits, or even routines, but they share a lot of the same characteristics. I struggled to come up with the difference, and I found it here:

Whereas the purpose of a routine becomes more mundane and obscure each time it’s performed, a ritual is a celebration of its purpose. While habits make the ordinary invisible, rituals make the ordinary extraordinary.

We tend to think of rituals as elaborate, often religious, ceremonies, such as baptisms, weddings, and funerals. But our lives are filled with much less elaborate rituals that give our day meaning: the morning walk, reading before bed, family dinners, Sunday brunch — I’m sure you have many others in your own life.

Even my morning tea is filled with meaning. The tea kettle was a gift from a longtime client, and I think of her generosity every time I use it, and I have special tea mugs that I purchased on vacation, and each reminds me of the memories I made on that trip. While I’m drinking my tea, I get to spend quiet time with my dogs, Henry and Kingston, and we talk about how much we miss Ace.

It’s the perfect start to my day, and it turns the ordinary act of morning hydration into a more meaningful celebration of the special people, memorable moments, and loving dogs in my life. It also transitions me into productivity.

Rituals are more purpose-driven than mere habits. There’s a “why” behind a ritual, whereas a habit is just something we do because we’ve always done it. It’s easy to make that connection when it comes to the more grandiose rituals of weddings and funerals, but it can be less obvious when it comes to things like exercising, household chores, and cooking.

One thing I’ve struggled with is incorporating strength training into my workout routine. I love being active, but the act of picking and putting down heavy things, over and over again, leaves me cold. It has none of the strategy of golf, the zen of fly fishing, or the endorphins of riding my Peloton. Yet, as we all know, it’s terrifically important, particularly for women, and particularly as we age.

So, I’m going to work on adding some purpose — some ritual — to my strength training. Finding the perfect playlist, adding a visualization (85-year-old me dancing at my yet-to-be-born grandchild’s wedding?), and just generally imbuing this routine that I don’t love with a purpose that I do.

All suggestions are welcome!

In the comments, please let me know what some of your rituals are.

#OnlyJoy

Kathleen