Time is Finite. Spend it Wisely.

Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you I love gift-giving. And, if I do say so myself, I’m pretty good at it. I always try to give the recipient something they didn’t know they absolutely needed.

Now that I, as they say, have more yesterdays than tomorrows in my ledger, the gift that’s become most treasured to me is time, particularly with those I don’t get to see as much anymore, such as family and friends I don’t live close to.

This is a lesson I’m holding particularly close this holiday season.

I saw some eye-opening stats recently from the U.S. Census Bureau’s American Time Use Survey, by way of The Washington Post. In 2019, the average American spent only four hours per week with friends — a 37 percent dive from just five years earlier (not coincidentally, that’s about when smartphones became ubiquitous).

As you can imagine, the pandemic worsened that trend: In 2021, the average American spent less than three hours a week with close friends.

And it’s not like we’re swapping out friend time for family time. According to the survey, the time we spend with our children peaks in our 30s and declines dramatically after that.

So, if you’re a parent with young children, know that this is probably the most amount of time you will spend with your kids. When you’re sleep-deprived and desperate to go to the restroom without a toddler following you, this may be great news. But, whenever possible, cherish this time with your kids, because the years with little ones fly by.

You’ll be an empty nester before you know it, and you’ll look for any excuse to spend a week, a day, or even an hour with your adult children. I know I’m trying to build traditions that give our blended family time together. It can be difficult, particularly as they’re busy building careers and finding partners, but it’s worth it.

We also spend vanishingly little time with our own parents and siblings as we age. Having lost both of my parents and a sibling, I can assure you that you won’t regret a minute of time you carve out to be with the people you spent the first 20 years of your life with.

So, if we’re not spending time with family and friends, who do we spend all our time with? Two people: our partners, and ourselves. (Our co-workers also punch our timecard a lot, but the work-from-home trend has changed that equation for many of us.)

Since we’re spending so much time with our partners, particularly as we become empty nesters and (someday) retire, if you have a partner, work to make that relationship as fulfilling, fun, and rewarding as possible. If you don’t have a partner and you’re looking for one, don’t settle for someone you can’t envision spending the vast majority of your time with for the next few decades.

Your partner doesn’t have to be —nor should they be — your whole life. But you want them to be a worthy companion.

But even if you do everything you can to maximize your time with family and friends, and you have a great partner, the person you will spend the most time with is yourself. So, make sure you’re your biggest fan. Extinguish any negative self-talk, stop comparing yourself to others, be as forgiving of your mistakes as you are of others’, and begin the process of becoming your own best friend.

Wishing your family, your friends, and most of all, you, #OnlyJoy this season.

Kathleen