The Value of Vulnerability

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.

– Brené Brown

Have you ever noticed that celebrities and politicians seem to get more popular when they show us (or at least appear to be showing us) their true selves? Think Hillary Clinton winning New Hampshire in 2008 after she let her guard down in a conversation with a voter, or comedian Kumail Nanjiani hitting the big time after making a movie about his struggles when his girlfriend was in a coma. Or a million other tell-all celebrity confessionals.

Vulnerability, it turns out, is so much more endearing and relatable than perfection.

Yet, we all work so hard not to be vulnerable, and we chase our desire to appear to be the image of perfection in hipster running shoes, heart beating at approved levels per minute, and perfect hair no matter the weather. Because we want to be liked, and we want to belong.

But we’re not fooling anybody with the cloak of invincibility we try to wrap ourselves with. Not only are we not fooling anybody, but by seeking to project perfection, we’re actually robbing ourselves of true joy, peace and creativity. Trying to be all things to all people is disingenuous and boring.

If homogeneity benefited the world, nature would have ensured we all came into it exactly alike. But just the opposite is true. Bio-diversity is the only thing that keeps the planet alive, opposites living and thriving off one another.

We seek out quirks and imperfection. For example, we tend to fall in love with the idiosyncrasies of a person – the things that make them different, not the things that make them like everybody else. Or, when it comes to food, we love foods that surprise us, with an unusual spice, an unexpected crunch, or a shot of umami.

So why do we cover up our own little quirks?

Perhaps we fear that if people knew the real us, we would lose their love and friendship; that we’d get kicked out of whatever club that makes us feel like we belong. It’s fear of loneliness, or shame about being different, or being found out.

But being yourself is nothing to be afraid of; It is the only way we can truly be happy. When we are completely genuine, we launch a little app in ourselves that acts like a magnet; we begin to attract our “tribe.”

It’s one of the best life hacks out there.

I know, it’s scary to be vulnerable. I was nervous when I launched this site several years ago, but I’ve actually found it to be one of the most gratifying experiences I’ve ever had – despite my fear that people would see me, judge me, and find me lacking.

As I’ve learned, though, being vulnerable may feel like a weakness, but it’s the opposite. Vulnerability is strength. It requires great courage to be that exposed.

Yes, it is nauseatingly uncomfortable. But the discomfort of being your true, genuine self is a procedure that heals almost every part of your life. The awkward silence you may get from blurting out an unpopular opinion in a group setting might attract a new, lifelong friend, or the love of your life.

No one else is you by design. Be weird, be quirky, be whatever you are. The world needs YOU.